The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. --Jay Leno
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded." -
"If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you're about to be executed, the governor calls, you think it's your reprieve, and you hear 'Hasta la vista, baby.'" -As Jay leaves and Conan O'Brien takes over I have to leave you with a quote from the Year 3,000 bit on the Tonight Show with Conan O' Brien. In the year 3000 "Youtube, Twitter and Facebook will merge to form one super, time wasting website called YouTwitFace."
So it's out with the old and in with the new. Or, well, I guess that would be out and back in with the old X 2. Anyway, everybody have a fun Friday today!